The Child Naming Specialist

When an online search is not enoug

The San Angelo Bar and Grill was the closest restaurant to Jennings’ hotel and it seemed to get good reviews. The only reason Jennings sat at the bar near the entrance was because the tables and booths were all taken by the Happy Hour crowd.

The three contractors beside him were locals and talking about whatever flashed up on two large screen TVs behind the bartenders.

“Can you believe it?” the loudest of the three said. “Who would pay ten grand to have someone come in and name their kid for them? Wouldn’t a simple online search spit out a few thousand names?”

“More money than brains, if you ask me,” the guy in the middle said, “Hey, maybe we’re in the wrong line of work.”

“’Scuse me, gentlemen. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear. You had questions about my career?” Jennings asked as he laid out three business cards for the men beside him.

LoudMan picked up the card and held it to read it out loud in the light.

Jennings Wyatt, Certified Child Naming Specialist.

“You’re putting me on,” LoudMan said.

“No sir, that’s what I do for a living.”


“Seriously. Business is booming actually. Yes, the Millennials mainly are uptight about what to name their kid, so they call me to help them choose. I study their bios, their ancestries, their occupations, anything I can glean from them to give them about 20 great names for both boys and girls. If they already know the sex, that narrows it down completely.”

The man closest to Jennings said, “How’d you get into this?”

“Saw a niche and began to do a bit of research. Put up a website and immediately started getting calls.”

“They pay you a lot?”

“I don’t go hungry,” Jennings said. “150K my second year in business. Meet some fascinating and quirky people too. You and I both know that Google’s your friend. For whatever reason, they throw money at the problem instead of doing a simple search.”

“So, you’re in town for a client now?”

“Yeah. They have twins so they want two names. Boy and a girl, and of course, double the fee.”

“Of course. Like I said, it does sound like we’re in the wrong line.”

“But I do have to put up with their constant whining and complaints. Not about me or my work but about life in general. They just go on and on and on. Complaint after complaint. And if they have any kids, they’re worse. Real brats they are.”

“I could put up with that.”

Jennings’ phone buzzed. He smiled at the text.

“A client I had about four months ago just named their boy Jackson after I suggested my top 3 names. They’re ecstatic about it. 7 pounds, 10 ounces.”

“So, why are you telling us all this?” LoudMan asked.

“Bored, I guess. A lonely life, really. It’s almost not fair taking those people’s money like that.”

“And I, too, couldn’t help but overhear your conversation,” the young man near the Please Wait to be Seated sign said. “I’ll let my wife know what you think about us, Mr. Wyatt. No need for you to take our money. No need at all.”


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