The Butter

How he gets ahead in life…

“’Scuse me, Ma’am. Can I go ahead? I need to check out,” Chet said. He used the same language for four different people before someone stopped him.

“We all do,” a thirtyish woman wearing a dress and high heels said.

“Yes, but…” Chet said.

“No, ‘yes but’ anything. We all have to wait. I have to wait. You have to wait. We all have to wait.”

She pulled her hair away from her face and curved it around her ear.

When a previous customer in line heard the conversation, she said, “Yeah, get behind me, Buster. We’re all in line to check out. What are you trying to do, pull a fast one?”

“I, uh, I…”

“Hey, why don’t you go to the back of the line. Who do you think you are?” the first person Chet butt in front of said.

“Fine. If you all think that way….” Chet said as he put his basket on a nearby shelf. The basket contained only five items.

He headed for the door but was met with Security.

“Sorry, Chet. In here again, huh? I thought the last time we kicked you out of here for good. You need to come back to the office with us. And you might wanna give the nice people back their purses and wallets. They won’t be able to pay for their things without them.”

Chet pulled out four wallets, two for the men and two for the women. The men searched their back pockets frantically and realized they had been conned. The women also checked their now open purses.

As he handed them over, he said with a sheepish grin, “Can’t blame a man for trying.”

“Oh yes we can, Chet,” the security man said. “You’re a thief, and one of these days you’re gonna pick the wrong person to rob.”


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